Three Steps to Making a New Year’s Resolution That LASTS
The end of the year naturally lends itself to reflection and projection – reflecting on events of the year gone and imagining the year to come. Popular resolutions are to lose weight, drink less, exercise more, stop smoking, spend less/save more, or make more time for myself/family/children. The following are three tips for setting New Year’s resolutions that you are likely to keep but can be applied to any goal you make throughout the year.
1) Be Ready for Change
Research has found that merely desiring change is not enough. We must be READY for change. Psychologists often talk about ‘change readiness.’ But what does this mean? It means that we possess the right belief, attitude, and intent towards the change we want to make; we understand what is required to complete the shift and our capacity to do it. Woah. I don’t know about you but just thinking about all of that thinking gives me a headache! How do I know if I have the right attitude? I guess I believe in myself but do I? There is a whole bunch of nuanced inquiry into change, but basically, you’re doing well if you can answer these two questions: - Do I believe that change is truly needed? Do I think I have what it takes to make that change? The answers will tell you if you are ready or not.
2) Believe in Yourself
The perception that New Year’s resolutions never ‘work’ may be acting as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Believing that we can achieve the goals we set for ourselves is more likely to generate a successful outcome. Conversely, if we think that our New Year’s resolution will fail, this is more likely to be the case. If you can’t muster the belief that you can do it just yet, believe that you will figure out HOW YOU CAN. It may help you to write down your goal and any perceived obstacles, then write out ways to overcome those obstacles. Write another list of what resources and support you have or might need to obtain. Just doing this exercise should show you that you can figure out a way to achieve what you want. Be patient with yourself and trust that you will work it out. There is one limitation here that is worth mentioning. It can be impossible for those who have a poor sense of self or low self-esteem to appraise their strengths and capabilities accurately. Low self-worth can be equally damaging as we sabotage our progress as a result of feelings of unworthiness. If this is you, I recommend seeking therapy to discover and reinforce your self-identity, as this may have undermined your attempts at goal attainment.
3) Combine Subordinate Goals with Superordinate Goals
We are more motivated, less likely to cave to temptation, and have a higher ability to resolve obstacles when combining subordinate with superordinate goals. Subordinate goals are concrete, specific goals such as ‘drink only one cup of coffee per day at breakfast.’ Think SMART goals –specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. Superordinate goals are the broad, abstract goals we usually set for ourselves (e.g. ‘be healthier’) that, on their own, are more likely to fail. The superordinate goals should tie into our core belief system (e.g., eating well leads to a longer life, and living longer is a good thing). Subordinate goals are more like the specific steps we take to get there. Make a hierarchy with the concrete goals at the bottom and the abstract beliefs at the top. Aligning our day-to-day actions with our values and beliefs will ensure that we remain motivated and provide us with the greatest opportunity for long-term, sustained change.
Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Making changes takes time and effort, but you are more likely to succeed with a bit of self-belief and planning. Be patient and compassionate; adjust and refine your goals as well as the steps along the way. It is not just ‘set and forget,’ or say it and ‘thy will be done.’ We are not robots but living beings responding to our environments (both internal and external). Change is dynamic. Change is achievable. What changes do you want to make this year?
Need some extra support to stick to your goal? Book a session online, and let’s work it out together. Email lovegrovepsychology@icloud.com or click on appointments in the menu bar.
